So I could not go a month with out weighing myself. After making it a week this past weekend I got to thinking. What happens if I don't weigh myself for a month, and I get on the scale and I'm like 175lbs? Anxiety set in, I started to panic. I knew if this happened it would be horrid on my mental well being. I imagined the extreme anxiety and depression that set it, and tears formed in my eyes. I tried to force the feelings out but it was near impossible. So Monday morning I brought it up to my hubby, and asked him what he thought, and what he thinks I should do. Later on that afternoon he said we can weigh ourselves tomorrow (this morning), and maybe instead of trying to go a month with out weighing shooting for once a week is better. I was expecting another gain from last time, but secretly hoping not. Well I got on the scale and I'm up to almost 165lbs. I'm so upset, all of my fat clothes are now tight, and I don't even want to wear makeup anymore. I don't even feel like caring how I look, its just totally depressing and mentally stressful to me. What have I done? Well I'm trying to focus on what I'm eating now. No more SHIT! I want to focus on eating clean, maybe not so paleo/primal, but clean low carb. I'm allowing myself some peanut butter, some legumes, and some dairy. I need to fix this! I am trying to get in my 10000 steps a day, and I also bought a rebounder to bounce on occasionally.
I bought a new book to read; The Protein Boost Diet by Ridha Arem. It is supposed to improve your hormone efficiency for a fast metabolism and weight loss. I am half way through and all the book has talked about is stress, hormones, and menopause. I think I will adopt some of the ideas in this book, but some of the ideas just make me want to throw it against the wall and scream. I am going to eat egg yolks, I am not cutting down on red meat (mine is grass fed so stop with the saturated fat is bad bullshit), and this whole mantra on eating low fat dairy is bullshit.. You tell me not to eat sugar, but eat low fat dairy? fucking oxymoron because when you remove fat from dairy its replaced with sugar.. ANYWHO.. I'm learning, I'm not done with the book yet, and I will continue to read and update on my findings!
I want to say thank you to some of my readers and friends. You have been super sweet by showing me how much you care and worrying about my well being. Thank you so much for that, it makes me feel great.
I also want to post about how I like to post about my feelings, I want you guys to know if and when I have hit rock bottom, I cry, I get psycho, I feel sorry for myself and I get pissed! I'm human, and I post about it because I know people can relate, and its amazing when you are feeling like shit, and you can read about someone else and know you are not alone. I do this because I have been in a very dark place in my far past, and I want others to know they are not alone. Well I'm off now, to go read more about hormones, how to regulate them, and hopefully since I'm more then half way done, it will start to discuss eating! YAY
Sweet dreams everyone! XOXOXO
Love Ya!
Kerry
I bought a new book to read; The Protein Boost Diet by Ridha Arem. It is supposed to improve your hormone efficiency for a fast metabolism and weight loss. I am half way through and all the book has talked about is stress, hormones, and menopause. I think I will adopt some of the ideas in this book, but some of the ideas just make me want to throw it against the wall and scream. I am going to eat egg yolks, I am not cutting down on red meat (mine is grass fed so stop with the saturated fat is bad bullshit), and this whole mantra on eating low fat dairy is bullshit.. You tell me not to eat sugar, but eat low fat dairy? fucking oxymoron because when you remove fat from dairy its replaced with sugar.. ANYWHO.. I'm learning, I'm not done with the book yet, and I will continue to read and update on my findings!
I want to say thank you to some of my readers and friends. You have been super sweet by showing me how much you care and worrying about my well being. Thank you so much for that, it makes me feel great.
I also want to post about how I like to post about my feelings, I want you guys to know if and when I have hit rock bottom, I cry, I get psycho, I feel sorry for myself and I get pissed! I'm human, and I post about it because I know people can relate, and its amazing when you are feeling like shit, and you can read about someone else and know you are not alone. I do this because I have been in a very dark place in my far past, and I want others to know they are not alone. Well I'm off now, to go read more about hormones, how to regulate them, and hopefully since I'm more then half way done, it will start to discuss eating! YAY
Sweet dreams everyone! XOXOXO
Love Ya!
Kerry
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